Someone asked, “Why do I sometimes feel peaceful and transformed and sometimes back to my old ways?”
After you are awakened with the awakening bell, you suddenly realize that your life was not supposed to be the way you were living till now. There is a new understanding and meaning to life. You start getting transformed into a pure soul. However, this will not be a very easy journey and this transition periods brings in a lot of hardships. Now, these hardships are what are perceived to be as hardships because once you begin to know life better and know where you are heading, these hardships will be seen as temporary barriers that you will actually look forward to overcome because you know there is so much of permanent happiness on the other side.
This is why when you actually begin your journey towards purification, you begin to feel and witness the effects that comes from manifestation of your goal. You are actually changing your vibrations that are more positive and pure. As you do so, you attract people and situations that vibrate on peace and bliss. This is when you start feeling peaceful and you feel you are really happy to transform because you are experiencing that bliss and peace that you have never experienced before. Understand also, that you are having both vibrations. The old vibrations have not yet left you and they are bound to leave you very slowly as you consciously make effort to drop your ego, fear, anger, etc. So, when these vibrations are still existent in you, you are bound to also manifest experiences harnessed by negativity. Thus, from a peaceful existence you find yourself suddenly drop back into your old ways of negativity. A typical example: You have just meditated one early morning and it’s a wonderful feeling for you. After many days you have achieved this kind of a “successful” session and everything looks so wonderful. You enjoy the morning and joyfully go about with your chores and responsibilities. As the day passes, you notice that you have great energy and everything looks wonderful to you. Everyone you meet is never the same. You don’t want to sulk or get angry for any reason for you feel you should continue to be joyful and happy. Evening you return home and everything at home goes well and you finally toss into bed and say a short thank you to life for being so wonderful. You now know that life is worth living this way and no more are worried about any unhappiness that can touch you for you now know the secret of life! Next morning, you wake up and sit for meditation but somehow your mind is wandering about planning how to spend this day. You finally get up and get going with a little question mark as to why did your meditation not go right. Then when you sit for breakfast you find that you have to eat what you do not like and you have a few frown lines on your forehead. As you go out you bump into someone and that really blows your mind. You are aware that you should keep your calm but by the time its noon you feel lethargic and frustrated for no reason. You start sulking. Being aware you try to stay happy but you just can’t. You don’t know what has gone wrong. You come back home and you feel you have wasted your day. You wonder that it was just the previous day that your life was so different and beautiful. You were so much at peace with yourself and others and today you are just the same old you that you have always hated. What has happened? Such experiences are not only on daily basis but some could experience weeks of good days followed by weeks of bad days. Some even fluctuate between hours of good and bad periods.
What happens here is nothing abnormal. It is perfectly normal for you to have the best of both worlds! Best of positive moments and best of negative moments. You actually have one leg in the pure world and one leg in the impure world. This fluctuations will go on till you have totally purified yourself of all impurities and negativities.
So, keep going, there is nothing to get discouraged about. The moment you find yourself being the old you, bring the awareness that this is normal to happen and it is a normal part of your transition. Only the awareness will lift up your spirits. There is no need to make a struggling effort to come out of it. Just let go of the idea that you are being negative. Be aware that it is nothing but the experience or situation that your negativities are bringing upon and that this is not permament and it shall pass. It is also important to be aware when you are feeling at the top of the world that this feeling too must be not taken too seriously for life is full of contrasts; one cannot exist without the other, day-night, black-white, good-bad, happiness-sorrow. It’s just a matter of time, till the time you can work on your negativities and overcome them. Be positive always. Being positive attracts positive situations and experiences. The more you sulk the more of bad experiences you cause and the more of karma you add up. When you start becoming aware of becoming positive amidst your negative experiences, then you are certainly growing. With time, you will see that the so-called “bad” or “unhappiness” does not affect you. Though situations are bad you shall still be happy, blissful and peaceful. This blissful state will be witnessed by you as you slowly “work upon” your bad days. Till then, enjoy best of both worlds!